Attempting To Gatecrash The Brazilian Samba Dance Class

Samba Dancers 272x300 Attempting To Gatecrash The Brazilian Samba Dance ClassSaturday, November 18, 2006

Last night I was supposed to go to a Samba class.

It never happened.

In 5 weeks I’ll be in Brazil, with no clothes and throwing dem bows because I can’t dance samba! I made it worse for myself by going for a “quick drink” after work. Is there such thing as a quick drink? All I know is that one bottle of wine quickly turned into two. Alcohol makes you do the craziest things because after boozing, Kate (Mr Slappy/Shaky Lip’s Dream Date) and I decided that we would gatecrash the samba class an hour into it. We didn’t have any money left to pay for it since we spent it all on alcohol and chips, but in our alcoholic haze we thought we’d go along and jump right in for free since there would probably be no one collecting money by then anyways. WRONG.

So off we stumbled round the corner in an alcohol fuelled stupor. At the samba place there are two classes, a beginners as well as a more advanced class. We ran between the two hovering in the doorways preparing to make our oh so not Grande entrance. It never happened. We quickly realised that if we went a disgraced ourselves we could never go back, not to mention the fact that they had people guarding the doors, and so we left.

I woke up this morning with a HEAVY head. Yesterday morning on the way to work I passed the corner shop where I buy my Sunday paper. It was raining and the corner shop man’s eye caught mine and we waved at each other. As I passed I heard what sounded like a knocking on the window but I didn’t think it was directed towards me and so kept walking. There I am standing at the bus stop and the corner shop man comes running towards me, one arm stretched out gripping an umbrella. He offers it to me and says,

“Here use this and then just drop it back on your way home.”

How sweet! you are probably thinking.

I thought the same thing, except that I didn’t want the umbrella. I’m not being ungrateful. I’m just a realist, and the reality was that if I took the umbrella it may just go missing, permanently. I don’t do well with umbrellas. I have lost count of the amount of umbrellas that I have lost in my lifetime.

The bus began to approach and I didn’t have the time to think of an excuse not to take it, so I thanked him and took it. I make a pact with myself to guard the umbrella with my life. You can guess what happened next.


I woke up in the morning and started searching for it, so that I could return it on my way to work, but it was nowhere to be found. Somewhere between leaving work, the bar, the samba place and the train home I lost it.

Now what the hell am I gonna do?

I surely do not want to offer to buy him a new one because he might take me up on my offer and if he does I’ll be pissed because I bet the umbrella isn’t his anyway*. This morning I had to cross the road and turn my face in the opposite direction, so as to not catch his eye again. I need to think fast. Shall I confess or avoid him until he forgets?

Speaking of people giving you stuff that you didn’t want or ask for. Today we had a lady from another department temporarily covering the reception area. Not long after she came in the place was reeking of perfume and it was making me feel dizzy. Even opening the window didn’t help. I wasn’t sure that it was her so I thought I’d ask. so I said to her,

“Oh is that your perfume I can smell?”

She said that it might be. So as not to offend her I told her that it was nice, very night timeish but nice. So from this she must have thought that I liked it (well I did say it was nice  so she would think that.) Why did she come back to the office at the end of the day with her perfume bottle to show me the name, so I could get it for myself?

I took the bottle in my hand and sniffed at the spray bit,

“Oooooh it’s nice.”

I had to say that to be nice.

She then tells me to spray it and I told her that it was fine and I didn’t want to waste her perfume. she insists and takes it and sprays it on my wrist commenting that,

“You need to see how it feels with your skin, if you leave it a few hours the fragrance will really come up.”

Oooooh it smelt absolutely sickening. I just smiled and waited til she had left to go and wash it off!

(*I say this because the first time I went in his shop I left an umbrella in there. When I came back later on that day and told him, he said that he had found a BLACK umbrella which his son had put it away for safekeeping. He advised me to pop back in even later. When I did go back and ask for it he was acting like he never said that he found the umbrella. He then he brought out a BLUE and YELLOW umbrella and asked me if it was mine. What the hell?)

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