Lavender Hill to Clapham Common – A Silly Conversation

lavender

The most ridiculous conversation takes place on the phone about how to get from Lavender Hill, Clapham Junction to Clapham Common. A woman calls my work place to tell me that she is in front of Lavender Hill Magistrates Court. Hoever the office is not anywhere near Lavender Hill Magistrates Court. Having too many conversations like this will turn a perfectly sane person like me completely insane.

I’m Bleeding Byatch!

Blood Stain

The reason for this blog is an, “I’m bleeding bitch moment.” I just had in the office. My long term blog readers will remember my Senegal trip where I was period-ing all over the gaff. If you don’t know click HERE. On the nine hour trip from Gambia to Senegal I wanted to take a toilet break and Jacob kept telling me to “hold it,” forcing me to have to declare, “I can’t hold it, I’m bleeding bitch!” So today I came on my period at work. I didn’t even know it was coming as I don’t track it in a diary or anything.

Do You Ever Get Over Your First Love?

Do you ever get over your first love?

There are 3 reasons that compelled me to write this blog – 1. I had a discussion with Tamara where we were talking about first loves and how we would feel if they resurfaced after all this time. Even though we felt we were both over them, we both said that we would definitely meet up with them again. 2. I have been home for a week sick like a dog with flu/sinusitis. I have been watching Ricki Lake more or less every day. Today there was a woman who came to confront her high school boyfriend for denying her. She was married with a kid and still wanted closure! She kept asking, “Why did you do that to me? Ten years later!

You Man Is Shacked Up With Another Chick

My friend (Theresa) lives with her guy friend (Tommy). She rents a room from him. They live together in a two bedroom house in Manchester. Tommy has a girlfriend that he has been going out with for the past 8 months, lets call her Melinda. Melinda has an 8 year old little girl and they come up to Manchester every other weekend to visit. Melinda and Tommy are kinda serious. So serious that Melinda suggested to Tommy that they move in together. Somehow a misunderstanding occured and Melinda was under the impression that Tommy wanted her to move in with him.

Chasing A Rastaman Called Viviane

It started off with a kiddie’s party. My friend’s son’s first birthday.”1 today!” “Happy Birthday!” While I was setting the tables up I started nibbling, Marshmellows, Tortillas, Mini chocolate sponge cakes, Chocolate rice krispy cakes… Ooooh remind me of coco pops… Turns the milk chocolatey. Popcorn, Nuts, Jelly babies. Somebody please put some sellotape over my mouth! By the time the real food came I was bursting, but being the glutton that I am I managed to find room.

I Was Brought Up And NOT Dragged Up!

There is a place that I go to for lunch sometimes. They do barbequed jerk chicken with salad for £3.50. It is affordable and ideal because there are no heavy carbs to make you feel bloated and distorted. It is also quick because the chicken is always on the grill and ready, fresh for my mouth. Not too long ago I had a bad experience there where I had ordered my food and when I had finished paying at the till there was no room in front of me to go to the counter where the food is picked up because there were a lot people in front of me queuing for their food. As I was standing in the way of the people that wanted to order I moved away to the far end of the food counter. I had my ticket so it wasn’t like I was trying to push in as the ticket tells the time of the order.

My Starring Role In A Channel 4 Production

I was at home watching Hollyoaks when Ruth and her friend from work came home. Ruth was screaming out my name. There was urgency in her voice, which was high pitched with excitement. It was as if something great had happened. Anxious to hear whatever it was she was going to say I ran to the top of the stairs to see what all the commotion was about, and she shrieked, “They are filming outside!” I had seen the film crew trucks and cameras outside the café on the corner and we had also had a postcard put through the door the week before, so I was a little dejected that that was the “great” news she had to share.

A Conversation On A Double Decker Bus

This scene took place on the top of a double decker bus this morning at about 8.30 am. Both guy and girl appeared to be in their mid twenties. If I were her the conversation would have got locked off at the first insult, but then again I wouldn’t be sitting on a bus dropping in causal conversation with an acquaintance anything about a pregnancy miscarriage.

Roller Skating Down A Slope And Smashing My Knee

Remember I bought some skates. I called them my babies. Well let me tell you they are not my babies any more. I am calling time out from these bastards. So it is 7 in the morning and I’m at my mama’s house. I have my roller skates with me and my stupid ass decides to go for an early morning skate around the block. I exit… The house is on a gentle slope, or so it seems. Left is down and right is up. However this ain’t no game console. This is real life. I turn left. ***ERROR*** In seconds I know I am in trouble and I don’t know what to do. I pick up speed very quickly and I cannot stop.

Nollywood Premiere With Joke Silva and Richard Mofe Damijo

Since I have become a Nollywood (Nigerian film industry for those that don’t know) Fanatic, I just had to go to this Nollwood Film Premiere that was happening right on my doorstep. Ok, not right on the doorstep, but kinda closeby. On Sunday I went to the State of the Heart Premiere at the Catford Broadway Theatre. Ruth and I were supposed to go but she stood me up, so at the last minute I had to rope someone else into coming. That someone else was Al. We got there an hour late but it was ok since it didn’t really start at 6, like it had stated to the ticket (I guess they knew who they were dealing with and so allowed more than 2 hours extra time!) When we got there, a film was being played called, The Pastors Wife.