Lavender Hill to Clapham Common – A Silly Conversation


The most ridiculous conversation takes place on the phone about how to get from Lavender Hill, Clapham Junction to Clapham Common. A woman calls my work place to tell me that she is in front of Lavender Hill Magistrates Court. Hoever the office is not anywhere near Lavender Hill Magistrates Court. Having too many conversations like this will turn a perfectly sane person like me completely insane.

I’m Bleeding Byatch!

Blood Stain

The reason for this blog is an, “I’m bleeding bitch moment.” I just had in the office. My long term blog readers will remember my Senegal trip where I was period-ing all over the gaff. If you don’t know click HERE. On the nine hour trip from Gambia to Senegal I wanted to take a toilet break and Jacob kept telling me to “hold it,” forcing me to have to declare, “I can’t hold it, I’m bleeding bitch!” So today I came on my period at work. I didn’t even know it was coming as I don’t track it in a diary or anything.

Skiving Off Work And Random Spontaneity

Do you have a “fuck you!” that you want to say to someone but can’t? Come and say it here. I wrote this when I was at work pissed off as hell. Let me give a bit of background. I word in an educational establishment giving advice. On this day I was posted to another site. When I got there no one knew where I was supposed to be and there were NO materials whatsoever for me to use and no one seemed to know a thing. I work with the biggest bunch of losers to ever walk the face of this planet. If I dared I would gob in the faces of 90 percent of you scumbags.

Titty Woman AKA Jesus’ Wife Returns

Titty woman AKA Jesus’ wife came lumbering into the office today with her big heavy footed elephant steps. One minute there were three of us working in the office and the next minute I was alone with TITTY WOMAN. Maaaaan that byatch can talk… yakkkkking ooooon and on about nothing. She comes in here all the freaking time but has never enrolled on anything. She didn’t have the wig on this time. She just rolled in bald headed, eyes glazed and black lipped like she’d been hittin a pipe all day.

Insects Are Only Good For Crushing

Today at work there was this cock-a-roach looking flying thing that was hovering about, which ended up dilly dallying about in the plastic thing that encases the fluorescent light that hums above my head. It then started making a nuisance of itself by hanging on the window sill. The temp was saying that the animal was on the sill, so I said to him, “What the hell are you waiting for? KILL IT!” He said, that no he can’t do that. What in the hell? What is wrong with people?

The Numbskull IT Guy At My Workplace

This motherfucker always has some comment to make about my weight. I don’t even know him like that for him to approach me in such a manner. We aren’t friends and I don’t banter with him or anything. I rarely even say hello when I see him in the corridors. I might simply acknowledge his presence with a slight nod.

Some Of The Characters I Meet Every Day – The Bobby Brown Remix

This bitch ass in a faded grey cheap looking too big suit with a Bobby Brown circa 1990 haircut (you know the lean?) approaches my desk and the first words that he barks at me are, “I’m a veeeery busy man.” Yeah so fuckin what? I was wondering why he was telling me… I’m not your friend or wife, or even aquaintance. I could give a fuck… but I don’t…

Overdosing on Iron By Way Of Excessive Spinach Consumption

So in the last blog I told you all about these hateful motherfuckers that I have to deal with on a day to day basis. Today I brought in lunch of sweet potato, spinach, mushroom, and tomato. I was sitting there eating it and doing a crossword when the woman that made some stupid comment that last time said, “Dunno what you’re eating all that spinach for, you are only going to overdose on iron.”

Hateful Bitches!

Yesterday I was alone sitting in another office on the computer watching videos on YouTube. I was sitting on a high chair. The main base of the computer (you know the bit with the floppy disk drive that holds all the information was on the floor) and I had one foot propped up on it and another crossed over that leg.

The Sign In Front Of The Building Requests That You Do Not Spit

So on Monday morning I came into work and there was a sign with a stand (it’s own 5 foot tall stand, can you imagine?) put up in front of the main door that said, “Anyone bringing drugs into the college will be suspended.” Note the fact that it says suspended. Doesn’t that mean that you get a day or two off and then you come back happy as Larry like nothing has happened? The sign should say EXPELLED. Well it should say that if I was to approve of such a sign, but for the record I don’t.