Caught Weeding Our Stay On Good Luck Road Comes To An End

weed cigarettes 216x300 Caught Weeding Our Stay On Good Luck Road Comes To An End

The main phone rang in the house and I answered it. My one hello led to a full scale interrogation. The female on the other end was indignant,


“Who are you?”


“Why are you picking up my man’s phone?”


“Where is he?”


“What is going on?”


She didn’t wait for an answer to one question before asking the next. When I said that I was staying there she flipped out and then hung up. Tamara had been listening to the whole exchanged and we were stunned into silence. We figured out that it was his fiancée because the pastor had called regarding, “their meeting.” She wasn’t just a girlfriend they were actually engaged to be married and that was the first we had heard of her.


We doubled locked the door, fully expecting her to come to the house and start a ruckus, however he had sorted it out with her by the time we saw her because she came to the house with him. He told her that we were relatives.


All smiles…


She cooked up a storm. We were happy because we sure as hell were not cooking and we had bellies to fill.


She filled them…


We laughed behind her back that her boyfriend was such a scumbag loser and that she was equally a loser for taking his shit.


Soon afterwards Henry discovered us “weeding” (as he called it) in his house and lost the plot,


“No weeding in this house!”


He seemed more upset that we had procured the goods without his help rather that the fact that we were partaking in the use of illegal substances in his home. There was something else that was bothering him too,


“I don’t want all these American Guys calling the house!”


We had been using the fax phone when Henry was out to call the guys that we had met while out. We put it to fax mode when we weren’t in.


Had the phone rang while we were out? Had he picked it up?


Tamara was sure that he had flicked through the blue angel book,


“He doesn’t say the word guy, I’m telling you. He read it in that book of yours.”


The heading on the second page read, “AMERICAN GUYS” It then listed every guy we had met along with their age, where we had met them, their phone number and address if it had been given. Some guys had additional notes, like Carlton. His notes read, “Gorgeous but crusty ankles.”


Whatever the case was with Henry he was becoming a nag, and cruising the streets with Josephine and her friends, going to malls other than Landover like Tyson’s Corner and Pentagon City, roller-skating, hanging out at sports bars in DC, clubbing, eating at low end and high end restaurants across the state and meeting hot guys was way more exciting than hanging out with Henry’s old ass friends and his constant moaning.


The time came however when we knew we had no choice but to leave. There were two incidents that marked this.


First of all we had gone out with Josephine and her friends to DC Live. By this time we had been a given a front door key so we wouldn’t need to wake Henry should he be asleep on our return. We left the club about 3 and then spent a couple of hours at IHOP (We had wanted to know what Rare Essence were talking about in Overnight Scenario.) We arrived at the house about 5am. Granted we had been drinking but there was no way both of us were that far gone that we could not figure out how to turn a key in the lock.





We took it in turns to tackle the lock. It was some minutes before it dawned on us that Henry had locked us out by double locking the door.


The Bastard…


Enraged I made my way around to the side of the apartment block while Tamara monitored the front door. I parted the bush in front of his window with my body and began tapping on the glass manically. He roused and caught my face glaring at his through the window. He had no option but to open the window. Perhaps if he had been hidden by curtains he would have left us out there.


No apology…


Just a hmmmmmmppppppfffff…


Henry the Haterade Drinker…


It seemed like if we weren’t going to go out with him then we weren’t to have a good time without suffering the consequences. We knew our days there were numbered and this became even more so apparent when the following morning he began bitching about how fast the toilet roll was being used. We waited for him to leave the house before we started our bitching about him. We spoke of leaving his bitchy whiny ass and going to New York.


We emerged from the room to find him standing outside the door,


Oops he hadn’t gone out…


“When are you going to New York?”


We were practically being thrown out…


We had a few hundred pounds between us so hopefully it would last, and we’d find somewhere affordable and central to stay for the time we had left. We knew no one in New York apart from Michael and we didn’t really know him. He was Henry’s friend and our image had probably been tarnished by now.


Tamara had met a guy the year before at the Notting Hill Carnival. He lived in NY and I knew the number was in her address book. When I told her to call, she refused because she hadn’t spoke to him in months and thought it looked bad to just call out of the blue. She was always worried about how things looked.


I however wasn’t worried if we looked bad and so when she was in the bathroom I grabbed the fax phone and got to dialling. I called him and pretended to be Tamara. I told him I was Maryland and made no mention of NY. It didn’t take him long to offer for her to come to NY to stay with him,


“I’m with my friend.” I told him.


“That’s cool, she can stay too.”


Of course I accepted. Tamara wasn’t too happy at first, but she agreed to it eventually.


Canarsie, Brooklyn was out next destination.


The happiest I saw Henry on the whole trip was the day he drove us to the Greyhound station. He was positively beaming on the drive and grinning like a Cheshire cat whilst paying for our tickets.


Were we really that bad?


Was his lasting memory of us going to be as follows?


Those bitches ate my plantain and meat and used up all my precious toilet roll…






As soon as we arrived in New York we were met at the greyhound station by Shaun and taken directly to a Radio Station BBQ. I remember feeling tired and sweaty and being dragged around to meet all his people. He was a music producer (a real one, not like this fool, or this fool) and so when he wasn’t scouring record stores he was at some industry do or the studio.


I was only there for 2 days so there really isn’t much to tell. I actually preferred the freedoms afforded to us in MD as opposed to NY. I felt frustrated in NY because, although it was easy to get around with the public transportation system I didn’t get to use it ONE time because Shaun insisted on taking us everywhere, and wouldn’t let us out of his sight for a second. Even when we went to meet up with Josephine’s friend in a mall he and his friend that was living with him at the time insisted on tagging along for the duration.




I need to breathe…


Tamara on the other hand was loving it! It helped that she and Shaun fancied each other and that she has always like over protective types, so it was perfect for her. After the two days was up I left to come back home and Tamara extended her stay for 2 days which turned into a week.








Months later my friend Caroline was around my house and I accidentally dropped my phone book on the floor in front of her. She bent down to pick it up and it was opened up at “J.”


Her eyes were wide and she repeated Josephine’s last name,


“Some of my family have that name.”


“Remember I told you about the girl in Maryland who took us about?”


“That is so weird. I have a cousin in America called Jospehine. I can’t believe I didn’t click before.”


She went and asked her mother and it turns out that this girl that we had met randomly in Landover Mall, in the sticks of Maryland was in fact my good friend here in London’s cousin. The cousin that she had never met and previously called “dry” she was now excited to meet having heard all the stories we had told her. Tamara and I went back the next year and Caroline came too.


  1. i felt his warm breath all the way here whispering to you “i want you to be my baby”lmao

    henry is quite the character! lmao …a grown man counting meat and plantains and toilet roll, pls dont break my heart and confirm that he is indeed nigerian lol

Speak Your Mind