Cookie Monster On Crack

deebo 251x300 Cookie Monster On Crack
On my way to a friend’s house from work I bucked up on a weirdo at the train station. The platform was bustling with people and Deebo starts making a scene. Yes this dude looked something like Deebo. For those that don’t know the black guy in the picture below is Deebo. He was a character in the film Friday.

This guy looked like a light skinned Deebo, hench and with the popping eyes too.

I heard him before I saw him. It sounded like he was saying “sweetness,” but picture this, he was singing it like the cookie monster on crack, opera style. It was not pleasing to the ear at all, in fact damn near torturous.

Now I am thinking this guy has to be a nutter, so I don’t look in his general direction, because once there is eye contact, it’s all over… For me that is.

Deebo clearly did not give two shits about eye contact and wanted to make his presence known… eye contact or no eye contact. He came right up to my face. Maaaan, that was scary. In my mind I was asking myself whether me getting killed on a train platform by an opera singing Deebo was payback for my fare dodging in the morning. By the time he was in my face there was no mistaking who he was talking to,

“Why did you ignore me?”

“I didn’t realise you were talking to me. I just heard strange noises.”

“Strange noises, what do you mean strange noises?”

“Well that’s what I heard.”

“I was humming, don’t you ever hum?

“No”

And If I did freaking hum I would do it in the privacy of my own home not on a packed station platform.

Now I am thinking that Deebo is going to get the hint and piss off since it is clear from my curt answer that I don’t want to talk to him. But nooooooo this motherfucker is persistent. He backs up a little and mouths something to me, pouting up his lips. But wait! Is this motherfucker trying to be sexy? Talking all low and shit. How are you going to look like Deebo, wearing a tracksuit with your crusty ankles showing and try to be sexy? Aaaaaah Helll Nooooooo! I replied,

“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you.” He spoke up louder,

“What do you do?” WHAT??? I’m not trying to talk to Deebo about MY life! I then think about the fact that he is very probably a nutter and I don’t want to piss him off,

“I’m unemployed.”

He is still not feeling the vibes that I’m emitting that scream “LEAVE ME ALONE!” and asks me when my birthday is. What the hell? I ask him why he wants to know, and he answers with a question,

“Why don’t you just answer the question?” What the hell? How did we get here? I look at the clock anxiously; willing the train to hurry up and in my silence Deebo repeats himself,

“When is your birthday?”

“March 10th” He is now feeling my BACK OFF vibe and asks me,

“Why are you so inquisitive? First you tell me that I’m making strange noises and now you don’t want to talk to me.” Hold on. I don’t know what is going on. Does this fool know what inquisitive means? I am not the one trying to play 20 Questions with perfect strangers at the train station. I reply calmly,

“I find it strange that you would come up to me, a stranger and start humming at me. To me that is strange, and yes I would say that you were making strange noises.” Deebo must have ADHD, he changes the subject,

“Do you go raving?”

“No”

“Maybe you need a drink, so you would be able to relax and answer my questions.”

I want to cuss this fool out so badly, but he looks like Deebo and I’m not ready to die. Luckily the rumbling of the train arriving drowns out any other idiocy that may have come from his mouth. As I said earlier the train was packed, so I wait for him to board and then quickly scurry down to another carriage whilst his back is turned.

10 minutes later it is my stop. I get off and walk towards the exit. I hear a strange noise from a distance behind me,

“Sweetness sweetness” Cookie monster on crack, opera style. That bitch was humming again. I wasn’t about to chance another encounter with him and started running like my life depended on it until I heard him no more

Comments

  1. Formerlystealthreader says:

    lol reminds me of smigel in LOTR..my precious!!!! i liked that you ran first and wondered later………lmao

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