Ending A Relationship

13beloved 210x300 Ending A Relationship

There is a problem with Thirteen.

My body is like a sponge and the number 13 is like the water that has got into every pore and soaked my being.

There is a story behind my relationship with Thirteen. It was my unlucky number. Every Friday the 13th, fear of impending doom would consume me, and I must say it was irrational as nothing bad had ever happened to me on any Friday the 13th, but still the fear was real. Thirteen was my enemy. I hated him/her (Thirteen is a hermaphrodite… super-gendered.) I knew that this fear was irrational but somehow I had internalised that it was an unlucky day and 13 an unlucky number and couldn’t escape that feeling.

One day I woke up, enlightened and decided to reclaim and redefine the number 13, a bit like how Tupac tried to reclaim the word “nigga” by redefining it as “Never Ignorant Getting Goals Accomplished.” Instead of being an enemy I made Thirteen my friend. From being my unlucky number it went to being my favourite. Friday the 13th was no longer a day to hate but a day to celebrate. I embraced my new friend with an open heart and introduced him/her into all aspects of my life.

It is only today that I have been thinking that perhaps it is time to end my relationship with Thirteen. He/she is too controlling. Today I was thinking about how much Thirteen takes over everything I do and I don’t think I like it. Friendship is supposed to be about give and take, but he/she just takes, takes and takes.

For example; when I pay my credit card bill I think of Thirteen and any payment I make has to have the number 13 in it or be a multiple of. Cashiers at the bank throw me looks of bewilderment and the telephone operators at the credit card company hesitate when I tell them how much I want to pay and ask me to repeat. They are wondering how I came about such a random figure, if it is not the balance. I never offer explanations; after all it is none of their business.

Thirteen is meddling with my work relationships.

When I photocopy I always do so in multiples of 13 or with 13 in the actual number of copies I make. One day I was in the photocopy room at work, trying to print something out, but the machine would not work. I started fiddling with different buttons in an attempt to get it working. At that time the photocopy man Don came out and saw that the machine wasn’t working and went to work on it… In a few seconds it was working, GREAT! Then he asked me, with his fingers poised ready to press buttons,

“How many copies do you want?”

“213 please”

“Ok, so 200?”

I mean what part of 213 didn’t he understand? It was a simple instruction The problem is, when it comes to my friend Thirteen He/she is often misunderstood…shunned… ignored.

“No. 213″

Don went ahead and keyed in 200. *My mind was telling me noooooooo… but my body… my body was telling me yeeeeees.* I darted forward and quickly pressed the cancel button before he had the chance to press the green button to start the copying. I then keyed in 213 to replace the 200. Don gave me the biggest dirty look EVER! I tried to give a half smile (this was all I could manage) to show that I wasn’t trying to be rude, but it was too late. In his mind I was the rudest bitch on earth and there was nothing I could do at that moment to change that. He said nothing, turned around and walked away.

In that sense Thirteen can be a relationship wrecker. It took about a month before Don could act civilly towards me. (Some people are so bloody sensitive. If I were Don I wouldn’t have even cared) then another month to get back to the way things were before Thirteen reared his/her ugly head.

There are other ways that Thirteen has influenced me. Here is the list:

  1. Thirteen controls my blog timing. When I post my blog the time I put it as has to have the number 13 in it or a multiple of.

  1. Thirteen controls when I wake up. Every morning I set my alarm at 6.52 or 7.13

  1. Thirteen controls how hot my food is. When I put food in the microwave, the amount of time it goes in for has to have the number 13 in it or a multiple of.

  1. When I open tins I do so in 13 twists of the can opener.

That’s all I can think of right now. If I can think of more I’ll update.

When I look over that it does sound crazy. I think I’mma cut ties with Thirteen. This friendship has become a burden.

Goodbye Thirteen…

SIKE… the love I have for Thirteen is unconditional I can never give him/her up. We’ve come a long way and if we have any hurdles  to overcome, we shall do so together…

Do you have a favourite number and why, or any irrational behaviours that others find strange?

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