Getting Caught Having A Fag


So at work we have this new manager and she doesn’t like people going off to smoke in pairs despite there being 7 of us in the office (well when there is a full house anyway which is practically never!). We are entitled to two fifteen minute breaks a day plus lunch but yet every time you try and go off she gives a disapproving glare or tries to engineer some task so that you can’t go and smoke with someone else. This means that if you want to go and smoke with someone else in the office sneaky tactics are needed. This is usually done by one person passing through one door under the guise of going to fill a water bottle/collect mail/ using the lavatory, and another person passing through the other door under some other pretence.

This afternoon the new manager had a meeting with a senior manager. They were inducting a member of staff that had been away for a while. As soon as she left out it was like SMOKE BREAK TIME!!! The grave mistake we made was leaving only one other person in the office. That is a big no no according to the new manager, but since she wasn’t there and the person being left alone didn’t mind we went for it. We snuck around a back route to the smoking area so as to not pass the room that we thought the induction was in.

We arrive at the smoking area, sit on a chair, stretchy out the legs and light up. Niiiiiiice.

One Puff…

Two Puffs…

Preparing for the third when the doors to one of the rooms in a portacabin about 10 metres in front of us opens up.


It all happened so fast.

It was the new manager, the senior manager (also our manager, but doesn’t work in the same office or site) and the member of staff that was being inducted. We froze a second too long. My mind was telling me to duck down behind the skip in from of the smoking area, but my body was stuck.

Too late!

We’ve been seen!

It all happens so quickly but when someone you want to hide from spots you, running while they are looking directly at you just is not an option.

“Hi!” He calls out to us. We don’t say anything and just sit there looking sheepish. Our manager (the one that actually is in the same room as us and doesn’t like us going out in pairs) doesn’t see us, and the three of them start walking in the opposite direction heading towards the office.

There is still hope!

We then turn to each other, searching intently for answers. My colleague furiously stubs out her cigarette on the glass shelter while I just break mine in half. She is like a mini rocket running the sneaky back way to the office at the speed of lightening to try and get there before they do. I can’t test her speed so I saunter casually as though we hadn’t just been sitting there puffing away together. The whole way back I am chuckling to myself because I find the whole thing sooooooooo funny.

Amazingly we get away with it. The senior manager doesn’t think it is strange that my colleague reaches the office before he does despite going a route that takes twice as long to get there and doesn’t mention it.

Afterwards the colleague that was having an induction says that she saw the both of us passing the room where they were, but the other two didn’t see us. Funnily enough the room where we thought they would be congregated wasn’t the room that they were actually in. If we knew that they were going to be directly in front of the smoking area we would have probably kept our asses in the office.

Now for some random true life quotes that I thought about today and kept me cracking up…

BG to Mr P when he tried to peel a piece of my sunburnt nose skin off my face,

“What you think this is? This ain’t no FACE OFF nicca!”

BG to Natasha when after seeing him pack his clothes to take to the Laundromat, she asked him to take her sheets with him to wash too,

“I ain’t no Fonzworth Bentley up in this byatch!”

Natasha to BG shortly afterwards when he asked to use her nail clippers,

“I ain’t no Bath and Bodyworks up in this byatch!”

Dominica to one of her professors, after he told her that if she curbed her argumentativeness she would be able to find a good husband,

“What you mean like you? Ugh no thanks. I’m not into bestiality.”


  1. Haha the last one deserves an award on its own!

  2. I was there when she said it… I was so shocked… He didn't even respond to it… LOL

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