Kissing Cousins – How Would You Handle This Situation?

Children 276x300 Kissing Cousins – How Would You Handle This Situation?

Saturday morning about 9am and my friend Chrystal calls me up. You may remember her from  this blog.  She tells me that some drama went down at her house the night before and she can’t make sense of it.

So the story goes like this:

Chrystal has two children, a 8-year old (Sophie) and a newborn. She was with the kids at her house as well as two other children she was baby sitting who are brother and sister. The girl is her daughter’s friend (Marika) who is also 8 and the little boy (Tim) is 4. Got that?

At some point in the evening a friend of hers, Dana comes around with her daughter Tia and nephew Matthew. Tia is 4, as is the little boy. Chrystal met Dana when Tia was attending the nursery school where she was working at the time. They didn’t stay in contact after she left that job but then bumped into each other one day on the street where they swapped numbers and discovered they lived very close to each other. From here a friendship grew. However Chrystal has always had reservations about Dana. Although she thinks that she is a nice person in general her clinginess is an issue (considering that they don’t know each other that well), and she has caught her out in many a trivial lie.

By clingy Chrystal has expressed to me that she doesn’t feel comfortable with Dana coming around all the time and not leaving. Although Dana lives nearby, many a time she turn up unannounced, not leave and end up spending the night. She also treats the house like it is her own in a sense. On one occasion I was around there and Dana was sweeping the kitchen floor and doing dishes like she was a maid. Chrystal told me that she does that all the time and she finds it annoying but doesn’t know how to tell her without offending her.

With regards to Dana being caught in a lie, when they first met Dana told Chrystal that Tia’s father was a Turkish man, then a couple of years later (ie recently) she produces a picture to show Chrystal of Tia’s dad, and this man is jet black. I have never seen a jet black Turk! At the time she did think it was strange but again she said nothing because she didn’t want to offend her. (This wasn’t the only lie)

So rewind to Friday night. Dana is plaiting Chrystal’s hair in the bedroom and all the kids are in the living room doing whatever it is that kids do. When they are almost finished with the hair, there is a commotion in the living room. There were shouts of,

“I’m telling!”

before Chrystal’s daughter and  friend (the 8 year olds) burst into the bedroom giggling and told Dana (in a grassing type way) that,

“Tia said that when she goes home she gonna play kissing games with her cousin.”

On hearing this Dana marched into the living room dragging Tia by the scuff of her neck (I don’t really know this for sure I can only assume as Chrystal didn’t see this part) to the bathroom. In the bathroom she started beating the child, as can be assumed by the shouting and crying and hitting noises that were being made. While she was beating her she was screaming at the top of her lungs,

“You’re only 4! You’re not going to grow up to be SLACK! 4 years old! 4 years old!”

Meanwhile the child was screaming,

“They’re lying!” over and over.

After the beating and the crying was over she told Tia to go and put her coat on and get ready to leave. She went back and finished up Chrystal’s hair, but was in a huge mood and did not want to talk about the incident.

Dana Tia and Mathhew left and Chrystal went to ask her daughter and friend what had happened. Sophie said that Tia whispered to them that when she went home she was going to play kissing games with her cousin.

Chrystal was pertubed as to firstly; why Dana would have just went off like that without even asking Tia what had happened to get her side of the story to find out exactly what was said and why, and secondly; why she would beat her like that for saying that. She expressed to me that she thought it was maybe something (the kissing) that had happened before, which could explain why she went off like that.

From my point of view I cannot see what good it would do to beat a 4 year old and call her slack when she doesn’t even know what she is doing. How can you call a 4 year old slack? I just don’t get it.

To give a bit more background here it has been mentioned before by other people that this child does seem slightly sexualised. She tends to wind up her waist alot ( not just to music, just wherever) and rub up against chairs. One one occasion she was around Marika and Tims house and went into the bedroom with Tim. Tim’s mother followed them to the bedroom where she saw Tia in the bed and telling Tim to get under the covers.  Since I don’t have any kids of my own I’m not sure if this is just normal behaviour.

Later that evening Dana texted Chrystal to tell her that she and Tia would not be coming around anymore as she believed Tia did not say that she was going to kiss her cousin, which meant that Chrystal’s daughter and friend lied, and I quote,

“I have to believe my child.”

That is fair enough, if you believe your child then believe your child, but why did you tear her ass up without even asking her what happened? What happened to believing in your child then?

I think that something funny is going on in Dana’s household, and before tearing up a 4 year old child for being “SLACK”, she should take a look at herself.

If Tia were your daughter how would you have handled the situation?


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