One Bog Eyed Beast

One bog eyed beast

in my face,

So fuuuuuuuuuugly

she leaves a bad taste

in my mouth.

Straight up South

London Hoodrat

Spain Map

Spain is Racist

Spain is one place that I can unequivocally say I shall not go to again. I heard that they were racist bitches and I really saw it too. From the stares to being treated as if you are invisible it is a place that certainly does not need to be considered in future vacation plans…

Text Message

I Don’t Do Text Message Conversations

I recieved a text something along the lines of, “How are you?” Now WHY OH WHY do people do this? I would never text someone, “How are you?” What is the point when you know that the answer 99.9 f the time the answer is gonna be, “I’m fine” or some variation of? And if a person isnt fine they aren’t about to get into it in a text message. So anyway I texted back, “I’m fine”(or some variation of *oh how so fukking predictable*) and why did this muthafukka start trying to get into some conversation about my love life or percieved lack of LOL!!! At this point I was not about to get into any text conversation at 12p a text when I have free calls so I just texted back (this was meant to be final mind you… let him know I do NOT do text conversations), “I know you are not trying to get into no damned text conversation.” Dude replies “no” and continues to ask another question! What the hell? If you want to have a conversation pick up the blasted telephone!

Russian Blonde

Mr Shaky Lip

I’m sitting at work and this man who we used to call “shaky lip” comes in… So called because his lip is always shaking and if it’s not shaking he is biting it like someone with a bad drug habit…. He is an elderly black man from Guyana who often comes into the College to chit chat about nothing, or to apply for random courses. So he sits down talking for about half an hour about random things like how he wishes he was 23, his love for Russian blondes and the novel that he is working on.


My Friend Is a Schizophrenic

I was thinking about my friend Dwight who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia. We lost contact for about a year or two but then about 3 years ago he started calling much more regularly than he had been but he would always sound weird… His voice was really dragged out and slow. The first time I heard him speak like that I asked him, “What’s wrong with your voice?”

Brixton Train Platform

Hello Pussy

Last night I was standing on the train platform waiting for my train home in the subzero British weather and my phone rang. Before I had the chance to say hello… My ears witnessed an emotional torrent. It was Ruth, shrieking down the phone in an incensed manner, “He said Hello Pussy… can you believe it??? HELLO PUSSY!!!” I had left her a few minutes previously and in this short space of time a random man took it upon himself to bestow upon her a “Hello Pussy” greeting. What kind of man greets a woman like this?

Ying Yang Twins

Ying Yang Twins Whispering Is Sexy

Now ain’t that some shit! A seemingly decent young woman uttering such obscene language. This just shows that you can never judge a book by its cover. Behind seemingly innocent faces often lurk, a persona that goes weak at the knees on the appearance of unwashed dreadlocks, incoherent sentences and metallic breath. You learn something new every day. Acting as if you are illiterate, brandishing a mouth full of hot metal and “whispering” graphic sexual language as though you have emphysema and are high on crack is not sexy. Well not to me anyway, but apparently to Ruth it is.

Nose Picker

The Joy Of Being A Nose Picker

I was just thinking last night about unnecessary lies and why people tell em. I can understand lying to reassure someone or make them feel good… you know things that it is acceptable to lie about. I have a friend who gets a kick out of lying, well I assume she must do or she wouldn’t do it so much…I have come to the conclusion that maybe she felt neglected as a child and is trying to make up for it now. I remember her telling me that she couldn’t pick her nose because her nostrils were too small (I know gross right) and I actually felt sorry for her because, on the real; imagine never being able to pick your nose…


Disgracing myself at Superdrugs

o today after work I went into Superdrug’s (That is like CVS, Eckard or Walgreens for you Americans) to pick up a few bits and pieces. I got to the till and when the lady who was the cashier scanned through my facewash I thought I saw it come up as £3.99 despite being advertised as £2.49. I picked up the face wash and asked her, “Did this come up as £3.99?” She replied, “Yeah” “Oh I saw it advertised on the shelf for £2.49.” She pressed the bell to call for assistance. You know where they get some skivvy running up to the till that gets sent to go and check the price, usually where the bar code has rubbed off. The skivvy comes and sees the face wash (Johnson & Johnson’s Daily Exfoliating Wash in case you were wondering) and says, “Oh that is definitely on special offer.”

Patong Beach

Reaching Patong

My first time in Asia and boy what an experience! I honesty don’t know how a black person stays in Asia their whole life. this isn’t my post but just put here for now so that all the categories will show.