Becoming A Nollywood Groupie

I swear I am not a muthafuckin groupie…I swear I am not! At least I never thought I could act so irrationally (ok except that one time with Ginuwine and that one time with Five) If you know me in real life then you know that I am a Nollywood fanatic (the Nigerian film industry, in case u aint know) Have been for 8 good weeks and counting. In that short space of time I know everything there is to know about every Nollywood household star. So my Sunday was off to a slow start.

Titty Woman AKA Jesus’ Wife Returns

Titty woman AKA Jesus’ wife came lumbering into the office today with her big heavy footed elephant steps. One minute there were three of us working in the office and the next minute I was alone with TITTY WOMAN. Maaaaan that byatch can talk… yakkkkking ooooon and on about nothing. She comes in here all the freaking time but has never enrolled on anything. She didn’t have the wig on this time. She just rolled in bald headed, eyes glazed and black lipped like she’d been hittin a pipe all day.

Don’t Give Me Tinned Salmon and Tell Me It Is Smoked

So off I went to the pub. I made the healthiest choice I could by choosing a salmon with lemon mayo salad wrap. Before I ordered this wrap I wanted to know if it was smoked salmon or not. If it was not smoked I was going to switch the order to a chicken Caesar salad wrap. My colleague asked the guy who was taking the order if it was tinned salmon. The guy looked bewildered, so I cut in, “Is it from a can?” He still looks blankly. My colleague tries again, “What kind of salmon is it?” Ok we are not getting anywhere. One last try, “Is it smoked salmon?” WOW! A response, He became animated, and decided to open his mouth and talk, “Yes, yes.”

Insects Are Only Good For Crushing

Today at work there was this cock-a-roach looking flying thing that was hovering about, which ended up dilly dallying about in the plastic thing that encases the fluorescent light that hums above my head. It then started making a nuisance of itself by hanging on the window sill. The temp was saying that the animal was on the sill, so I said to him, “What the hell are you waiting for? KILL IT!” He said, that no he can’t do that. What in the hell? What is wrong with people?

Forgetting To Pay For Goods At Lisbon Airport

Check in was quick and I headed towards the gates. Because the flight was later than was printed on my ticket by a whole hour I had even more time to kill. I found a café and stopped for a nibble and to read ma book. Ordering was an exact precision skill as I had only 5 euros 50 left, and I didn’t want the embarrassment of over ordering and not having the cash to pay for it.

Meeting Up with Crusty Lips At The Rossio Metro

While I was getting ready to vacate the room I got a text from Flavio (Remember him? He had the crusty lips) asking what time I was leaving. I texted back that I was going to the airport at 3pm. He wanted to meet before then so I agreed to meet him at the Rossio Metro to kill time before my 5.50 flight. Maaaaaaaaan, what a mistake! I don’t blame anybody but myself. He slightly got on my nerves the first time, so why did I even go and meet him again?

Last Night In Lisbon – Hanging Out Where The Fake Rappers Beef

We had a good 5 hour sleep and decided that since it was our last night we should try and go out. But to just where on a Monday night we had no idea! I called Helder (remember him? Say Samthing LOL) since he is club head to find out where we could go. I hadn’t spoken to him since the night of the “Say Samthing” incident, but when you are battling against language barriers, there is no room for awkwardness.

Sunbathing On Sandbags At Santo Amaro Beach In Lisbon

Looking at the weather forecast online the night before leaving for Lisbon, it had been deduced that Monday was going to be the hottest day on our trip at a scorching 23 Degrees Celsius (Oooooooh boiling… Not!) So we made plans to go to the beach this day. We put on our summer clothes and headed off to the place where we had originally intended to go the day before; the beach at Santo Amaro.

Sandals In The Rain – A Day Trip To Cascais

Today we went to meet Pina, one of the guys that we met on the way to the boat trip at Rossio Metro. We were going to the beach at Santo Amaro. We took the metro from the Rossio to Cais de Sodre. When we got to Cais de Sodre, our hanging around taking random pictures caused us to arrive on the platform as the train was about to leave, so in our mad rush we got on the train, but oooops we forgot to buy a ticket! We were a few minutes into the journey when Pina called and told us to stay on the train all the way to Cascais because it was raining and apparently there would be more things to do in the rain in Cascais.

Meeting Flavio At Favela Chique in Bairro Alto

After the boat cruise we met a guy called Flavio randomly and he asked if we wanted to “go for a beer,” We told him we’d meet him in the same spot in an hour as Ruth was trying to get her phone unlocked. We met him and ended up in a bar in Bairro Alto called Favela Chique. It was our first time in Bairro Alto and we loved it! Bairro Alto is a picturesque working class quarter dating from the 16th century that has traditionally been the city’s bohemian haunt of artists and writers.