Some Of The Characters I Meet Every Day – The Bobby Brown Remix

bobby brown dont be cruel1 300x300 Some Of The Characters I Meet Every Day – The Bobby Brown Remix

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Some of the characters I’ve come across today:

I DON’T BE CRUEL

This bitch ass in a faded grey cheap looking too big suit with a Bobby Brown circa 1990 haircut (you know the lean?) approaches my desk and the first words that he barks at me are,

“I’m a veeeery busy man.”

Yeah so fuckin what? I was wondering why he was telling me… I’m not your friend or wife, or even aquaintance. I could give a fuck… but I don’t…

And the joke is, he wasn’t even joking. Imagine I went to the bank to pay a bill and I approach the cashier with,

“I’m a veeeery busy lady.”

What kind of bullshit would that be?

What was my response meant to be? Was I meant to jump up and down all over the gaff*? Damn fool. And then to piss me off even more he started telling me about some dude he had a meeting with, and the dude isn’t even based in the same building as me. He is on another site a good half an hour away. I tell him this and he starts insisting that he is meant to meet the guy where I am based. So I just nod and let him rant. When he is finished I give him a map and tell him where he needs to be. He asks me,

“Well why was I told to come here then?

“Did you write down the address?”

“Well they said, **name of the establishment**”

“Well we have a few different sites.”

The bitch ass is huffing and puffing. Still in the same spot glaring at me, like if he does that I will somehow magic the dude that he is meeting to where we are. I get up and start doing other stuff around the office to escape his glare. He finally gets the message and leaves.

IT’S MY PEROGATIVE

After this fool two women come in, I’d say mid forties, East African, they speak very little English… They smell very minty. I don’t suspect anything dodgy until one of them   starts speaking and the other one keeps apologising on her behalf saying,

“It’s the wine”

In our 5 minute interaction they mention “the wine” a good few times. Its like they are trying to show me how “hip” they are.  I’m thinking they are new to alcohol with all this carry on. I want to tell them that they are not the first or last people to have had a drink so they need to just calm down, but I don’t say anything. I get the feeling that this is excitement to them, probably the most excitement they have ever had in their lives, getting tipsy at college (oooooh the thrills!). I almost feel sorry for them until one of the wenches opens a window, which makes the whole office FREEZE.

Now,  just because you got heated up on wine, you think you can come somewhere and start opening windows and make everybody else suffer… Hell Noooooo! Damn cheek! I asked them to close it and they left.

RESULT!

TENDERONI

I came back from lunch and this goooorgeous looking guy was sitting in the office, and I got googly eyed started giggling to myself like a psycho (I think this is a nervous reaction, I need to work on that),  I heard my colleague WWGS give him a Young Persons prospectus and I was horrified! How could this dude I was perving over be 18 or even younger? Then I heard him say to her,

“but I’m 21″

I exhaled.

Yeah it’s still young, but so what. I’d hit it.

Speak Your Mind

*