Waking up in Barra With Swollen Cuticles

Brazilian Acaraje

I am so happy to finally be here. To wake up, look out of the window and see the sea right thurr makes it all worth it. I got through baggage claim at about 10 pm. Cacicque, the taxi driver that Daniel (the guy that I am renting the apartment from) sent for me was standing there with big smiles as I walked through arrivals, holding a notebook open with my name in big ass letters written across two pages. As soon as I got out of the airport I made my way to the arcarje stand opposite.

Getting Upgraded To Business Class

I have been up for the last hour because my mother turned up in her usual unannounced fashion with a bag of loofah and a bag of sanitary towels. Please don’t even ask me why because I do not know myself. In the bag there were all different types and colours Allways and I was baffled! Thats mothers for you! I’m excited about this trip, but at the same time dreading the mammoth journey that lies before me. I’ve only taken 3 flights (back to back) once before and I SWORE I would never do it again… Well so much for swearing as here I am!

My First Time in Nigeria

I went to Nigeria a couple of days after Christmas 2008 with my parents. It was my first time and since my mother is Nigerian we were meant to stay with her brother in Aguda, Surulere, Lagos. It’s funny because I went to my parent’s homelands both in the same year. I went to Jamaica in May and Nigeria in December. I had been to both Africa and the Caribbean before but never Nigeria or Jamaica.Got to the airport and it was a surreal experience. My mother didn’t even recognise her own brother. (She hasn’t seen him in about 20 years) Both my mother my father were picking out all types of strangers from the crowd.

Did You Know That It Is Against The Law For A Black Woman To Travel Alone?

I had checked in my two pieces of luggage and had an hour and a half until departure. I went to the bar opposite the airport (the airport is tiny) for some rum and cokes with the little money that I had left, when I heard my name being broadcast all over the frickin airport on a tannoy. I didn’t catch what exactly what was being said with my name but whatever they were saying my name was repeated THREE times. I thought that perhaps I had missed something and the flight was leaving earlier than scheduled and I was late boarding. I downed my drink and rushed to gate 3 where my flight was scheduled to leave from. I told a man at the gate my name and was left standing while my name was being passed around in hushed tones like I was the target of some ongoing surveillance operation. Finally I was directed to a woman sitting behind a desk who told me, “I am police.”

Arriving In Tobago To Find My Luggage Missing

Delayed for 3 hours and finally lift off. The plane soared and I willed my body to a state of unfeeling (MY state of unfeeling as I rarely dream, which would be some kind of feeling) called sleep. And will it I did to forget the bone penetrating cold air that was working its way to my core. A cheap ticket… no blanket, certainly worth the trade off but I cursed myself for allowing myself to suffer in this way by not bringing my own blanket.

Forgetting To Pay For Goods At Lisbon Airport

Check in was quick and I headed towards the gates. Because the flight was later than was printed on my ticket by a whole hour I had even more time to kill. I found a café and stopped for a nibble and to read ma book. Ordering was an exact precision skill as I had only 5 euros 50 left, and I didn’t want the embarrassment of over ordering and not having the cash to pay for it.

Blowing Up The Airport In Lisbon By Way Of Methane Gas

I cannot stop farting and seeing as I am sitting in one place and will be for the next hour or so it would not be polite for me to pass gas, not only might it upset those around me and cause possible suffocation but because it would also, cause me great embarrassment, but damnit I wanna fart so bad. I think it is because I was pigging out last night and then drank peppermint tea this morning to try and ease the bloating. I feel like a bubbling volcano. All this morning in the airport and walking from shop to shop I have been farting and running way from it leaving Ruth to inhale the fumes I leave behind.

Losing My Luggage at Madrid Airport and Getting It Back Again

Yesterday I burnt my eyes… and my nose, I feel unbelievably sore. This morning I couldn´t even rub cream on my face. It was so sore that I had to blot in on with cotton wool balls. I´ve smeared aloe vera cooling and soothing gel all over my face and body and I´m still hurting bad bad bad on mainly around my eyes and my nose. When I lick my lips it feels like they are about to bust open!

On My Way to Brazil And I Head To Heathrow Instead Of Gatwick Airport

My journey to HELL begun on Wednesday the 20th of December. I asked for an aisle seat and was allocated 25C, the end seat on a row of three. I knew at least one other seat was free because it had been allocated to my friend when I checked in. I move onto the middle seat while the hustle bustle is going on. I don’t want to get my sides bashes by the trolley dolleys on their aisle strolls.

The Return Of The Fat Nyash AKA Shark Teefuses

If you ever wondered what happened to the fat nyash Richard dissed his girlfriend for then wonder no more. The lying toads were on our plane home. I call them liars because the night we were speaking to them at the club they told us that they were there for two weeks on business. Well clearly they can’t have been staying for two weeks as they were on our flights to and from and we were only in Gambia for a week.