On My Way to Brazil And I Head To Heathrow Instead Of Gatwick Airport

My journey to HELL begun on Wednesday the 20th of December. I asked for an aisle seat and was allocated 25C, the end seat on a row of three. I knew at least one other seat was free because it had been allocated to my friend when I checked in. I move onto the middle seat while the hustle bustle is going on. I don’t want to get my sides bashes by the trolley dolleys on their aisle strolls.

Attempting To Gatecrash The Brazilian Samba Dance Class

In 5 weeks I’ll be in Brazil, with no clothes and throwing dem bows because I can’t dance samba! I made it worse for myself by going for a “quick drink” after work. Is there such thing as a quick drink? All I know is that one bottle of wine quickly turned into two. Alcohol makes you do the craziest things because after boozing, Kate (Mr Slappy/Shaky Lip’s Dream Date) and I decided that we would gatecrash the samba class an hour into it. We didn’t have any money left to pay for it since we spent it all on alcohol and chips, but in our alcoholic haze we thought we’d go along and jump right in for free since there would probably be no one collecting money by then anyways. WRONG

The Agent For The Brazilian Apartment Is An Alcoholic Bisexual Crackhead

Diego, the guy that I met last year who I suspected was on coke or sucking dicks for cash (long trips to the bathroom) is in fact doing both, plus selling the stuff to tourists. HE declares his undying love for me when he is not with his foreign girlfriends or not calling me a crazy, ugly motherfucker. His favourite phrase lately is…

Salvador Da Bahia – The Life and People My 10 Observations

Man Plucked Eyebrows

Women bathing themselves in depilatory cream on the beach and then washing it off in the sea are very normal and not anything to stare at. Although it did take me a minute to adjust to this as I was trying to figure out why these women were putting thick white cream all over their bodies with what looked like a ice lolly stick. When they didn’t rub it in fully I was thinking, “Well it can’t be suncream can it?” But then at the same time I was thinking you wouldn’t be sitting with your mama and dada removing hair from your bikini line would you? Er, well yes you would… In Brazil.

The Slave Quarters

Battered Sofa

In the post “Trip to Mangue Seco” I spoke about how when Neville stayed the night at the apartment, we offered him the upstairs room to sleep in and how when he heard noises in the night that he thought were insects or creatures of some sort, he did a runner.

Mangue Seco – Jandaíra Day Trip

Tieta Do Agreste

I woke up about 5.30 AM and went to go and wake Neville who was meant to be sleeping in the room on the top floor… as I pass through the second floor I see the insect repellent and toilet paper that I gave him lying on a table on the patio on the second floor… this is strange. I venture to the top of the apartment and call out his name. He is nowhere to be seen and the bed does not even look slept in… uh oh… I am envisioning kidnap. I don’t know why. I guess I just have a vivid imagination. I ask Kay if she has seen him. She too last saw him last night and not since… I don’t know what to think, his bag is next to the sofa in the living room which means that he must have intentions of returning. I decide to get ready and just wait to see if he appears by quarter past six.

Searching For Food on Avenida Sete De Setembro

Brazil Prostitute

Last night Neville and I went out to look for somewhere to eat on the main strip of Sete de Setembro. We are strolling down the street. No stress, taking it easy, taking in the sounds, sights and smells of the street. There is Samba blasting from a passing car, little boys juggling sticks in the street, the arcarje women in their frilly white dresses and elegant head wraps, the smell of the sea and burning palm oil and out of nowhere jumps Diego. Of course he had his Ipod in tow, one ear in one ear out and looking somewhat dappa in a bright red and white unbuttoned shirt.

Barbecue in Salvador Da Bahia

Brazilian Acaraje

So it has been almost a week since I have been in Bahia and I have done as I promised…which is to drink copius amount caprinha and stuff myelf with acarje… I have eaten so much of the stuff that I no longer get the runs from eating it… HOOORAY! I think my stomach has adjusted. At the moment I am sitting in an internet cafe opposite the beach.

Sleeping with Prostitutes on Vacation

Prostitution Sign

While in Brazil over The New Year, one guy we were hanging out with, Neville was frustrated at the fact that he was unable to pick up a chick due to language barriers. (It was his own fault I had advised him on numerous occasion that he needed to learn the language.) Kay suggested to him that he should pay for one. Neville scoffed at the idea that he should need to pay for ass, while Kay kept on at him. He kept insisting that he just needed a few chat up lines and then he would be able to pull. Kay couldnt understand why he wouldnt just pay for it and accused him of being cheap, even offering up her own cash so that he could get laid.

I Chat Up a Man At Work Today

Dreadlocked

When he walked through the door I nearly had a heart attack. Tall, clear golden/bronzed skin, locks, eyes you could drown in and lips that could hypnotise. I was trying to compose myself and act normal but I must have come across as a lunatic He walked towards my desk, and I couldn’t stop giggling, so I tried to make it like I was laughing at something on my computer screen when in reality I wasn’t It was a nervous laughter I just couldn’t hold in.