Lavender Hill to Clapham Common – A Silly Conversation


The most ridiculous conversation takes place on the phone about how to get from Lavender Hill, Clapham Junction to Clapham Common. A woman calls my work place to tell me that she is in front of Lavender Hill Magistrates Court. Hoever the office is not anywhere near Lavender Hill Magistrates Court. Having too many conversations like this will turn a perfectly sane person like me completely insane.

Racism In the Workplace

Black Man In Suit

Cackface and Neville were seated in the office. A discussion with regards to the need for Air Conditioning on London’s Buses was taking place. During the conversation Cackface made the comment, “I have noticed from being on the buses that black men really stink, they smell really bad.” He then turned to me and asked, “Don’t you think?” to which I replied, “No I don’t think that that is true at all.” He then turned to Neville and repeated the same question, “Don’t you think?” to which Neville replied, “No.”

Bad Breath Like Hot Trashy Wind

Bad Breath

I am totally disgusted. This motherfucker just walked in here, itching his balls like he had crabs. He stopped momentarily and then right before he got to my desk and he grabbed them two times, heavy all encompassing tugs. Ugh! I feel sooooo sick.

Mr Shaky Lip Returns With More Chocolates

Ferrero Prestige

I took my place at my desk and he started talking about courses and application forms. Then of course he had to ask about Kate, my dear colleague who has not been here for two years, “And how is my heartbeat?” I told him that she was fine, and kept it at that. After this he asked me what chocolates I liked and how he had tried to find the ones that he thought I would like but couldn’t find any. I told him Ferrero Rochers, and that they were available in any sweet shops, Supermarket or Woolworths etc. He said that he would find them, and as he left turned to me and said Fear Raych. Fear Raych what the hell is that?

Mr Shaky Lip

Russian Blonde

I’m sitting at work and this man who we used to call “shaky lip” comes in… So called because his lip is always shaking and if it’s not shaking he is biting it like someone with a bad drug habit…. He is an elderly black man from Guyana who often comes into the College to chit chat about nothing, or to apply for random courses. So he sits down talking for about half an hour about random things like how he wishes he was 23, his love for Russian blondes and the novel that he is working on.