Don’t Give Me Tinned Salmon and Tell Me It Is Smoked

So off I went to the pub. I made the healthiest choice I could by choosing a salmon with lemon mayo salad wrap. Before I ordered this wrap I wanted to know if it was smoked salmon or not. If it was not smoked I was going to switch the order to a chicken Caesar salad wrap. My colleague asked the guy who was taking the order if it was tinned salmon. The guy looked bewildered, so I cut in, “Is it from a can?” He still looks blankly. My colleague tries again, “What kind of salmon is it?” Ok we are not getting anywhere. One last try, “Is it smoked salmon?” WOW! A response, He became animated, and decided to open his mouth and talk, “Yes, yes.”

Overdosing on Iron By Way Of Excessive Spinach Consumption

So in the last blog I told you all about these hateful motherfuckers that I have to deal with on a day to day basis. Today I brought in lunch of sweet potato, spinach, mushroom, and tomato. I was sitting there eating it and doing a crossword when the woman that made some stupid comment that last time said, “Dunno what you’re eating all that spinach for, you are only going to overdose on iron.”

Hateful Bitches!

Yesterday I was alone sitting in another office on the computer watching videos on YouTube. I was sitting on a high chair. The main base of the computer (you know the bit with the floppy disk drive that holds all the information was on the floor) and I had one foot propped up on it and another crossed over that leg.

My Fears About Colonic Irrigation

I have five weeks exactly before I leave and my clothes don’t fit. What the hell am I gonna do? I thought that buying everything too small would give me the incentive to get into them. Looks like I’m going to be going halfway across the world with an empty suitcase. I think the only hope now is starvation, but temptation is all around me. To top it all of I went boozing. It’s not my fault! It’s all in an effort to be social. The only other thing I could think of that might help (apart from a gruelling exercise regime and starvation) is colonic irrigation/hydrotherapy. So I booked myself in to get it done after work TODAY. If this doesn’t at least flatten my stomach I’m DOOMED!