The Bitch Try Thief My Electricity! Aww Hellz Naw

 Wheelie Bin 218x300 The Bitch Try Thief My Electricity! Aww Hellz Naw

On Sunday morning the doorbell rang. I didn’t go to answer the door because if I haven’t been warned that someone is coming round then I’m just not going to open the door. After some strange man came round in the middle of the night, my Cote D’Ivorian Stalker and Hassan the dodgy PC dude I can’t be opening the door randomly like that, so I pushed my head up against the window.

I couldn’t see anything so I opened the window and called out only to see  the scraggedyhead chain smoking neighbour (I’ll call her SCSN from now on),

“Is Tammy there?” She said.

Tammy is the chick that I am renting the place from.

I asked (SCSN) if I could help her and she replied,

“Oh it’s not really important, I just wanted to have a word with Tammy.”

I told her that Tammy wasn’t there and that was the end of it.

She went back into her den and whilst my head is out of the window I notice my dustbin in the street. Now under my breath I am cursing the wench and am LIVID. Let me give a little background here. The dustbin people come on a Friday morning. When they empty the bins they take them from in front of the house and leave them outside the gate on the pavement. Since I have been living here (which is 3 months in case you were wondering) I am the one that has been dragging in BOTH of the dustbins (mine and hers) from the street back to where they are supposed to be in front of the house week in and week out. I have left for work on a Friday and not come home until Sunday and the dustbins have been out there on the pavement. I didn’t think anything of it at the begining because I have just assumed that she wasn’t around like I wasn’t around.

When I came back from work on the Friday the bin wasn’t out in the street which means the dustbin people must have come on Saturday morning. I didn’t notice because I didn’t leave the house all Saturday or even look out of the window, so when I do look out of the window after that wench ringing my bell I am seeing a bin out in the street and she is out there too. This is the reason that I was pissed.

Now my question is, Why the hell didn’t she bring the bin in?

After this whole fiasco I go and get dressed to go buy the Sunday papers and to drag the bin in. When I get out there I see that BOTH bins are out on the street. One is far out on the edge of the pavement by the kerb. I look down the street and ours are the only ones just hanging in the street. I feel like a mother whose kids are out of control and stay out all night. I feel like everyone is peeking through their curtains laughing at me wondering why I am such a tramp and can’t even keep my bins in order… and the reason I feel like this is all because of this woman. If her bitch ass had just dragged those bins in I wouldn’t even be writing this blog!!!

So anyway I drag the bins in and that whole wahala is over. I guess I am to be the designated bin dragger if I don’t want to look like a tramp in the future. I have accepted my fate, albeit grudgingly.

Fast forward to the evening and my friend Alex comes round. We have a Mortal Kombat Deception tournament and I beat him mercilessly in all arenas, meaning Kombat, Chess and Puzzle. What is it about men not being able to be beat? He becomes bitter and twisted after his defeat. He claims that I am being mean when I shit talk before winning and this turns into a whooooooooooole big issue.

Man… Whatever!

So anyway he goes to leave soon after our argument (ie him being bitter that he lost every damn game) and as we come to the front door he notices that my light between my door and the main front door is on (SCSN and I share a main front door and then behind that door we each have our own doors that leads into separate homes.)

Let me give you a bit of history. In the space between the main front door and the second doors there are two lightbulbs. They can be controlled from that space or from switches in SCSN’s home or mine. I have a bulb that I can control and she has a bulb that she can control.

Get it?

So the scandalous thing about finding the light on inbetween the doors is that it is MY bulb that is on. SCSN has a cheek! The reason I know that it is my bulb is because she doesn’t have a bulb. You heard right. The skinflint hasn’t had a bulb in since I moved there. I found out from Tammy that  there had been some sort of “bulb war” before I moved in there.

The story is that one day Tammy came home to find only one bulb in the socket. The other socket was without a bulb. From then on SCSN would just use Tammy’s light when coming in after dark. Tammy, wondered why SCSN was always using her light, but assumed it must be because her one wasn’t working. Determined to find out once and for all what was really going on she removed her own bulb and screwed it in SCSN’s socket.

Guess what?

 (     (   (   (   (  (  (  ( ( ( ( ( ((((( FLASH ))))) ) ) ) ) )  )  )  ) )    )   )   )   

It came on.

She was furious.

She couldn’t believe that the woman had been trying to leech her electricity and so left her bulb in SCSN’s socket. SCSN didn’t notice and was using the light as she had been, as did Tammy. About a week later Tammy arrived home to find that there was no bulb in either socket. SCSN had finally realised that the tables had turned and decided that if she wasn’t gonna be the one doing leeching there would be no bulbs in the sockets at all. Tammy told me that this state of darkness lasted for a few weeks before she realised that she was cutting off her nose to spite her face, and so got another bulb and put it back in and just dealt with SCSN leeching the electricity, so since I have been there this is how it has been. Electricity I pay for SCSN has been leeching!

So back to me and Alex finding the light on. I tell him a little bit about the drama and he is astounded,

“Take it out he says.”

I’m in two minds. I tell him that I need to see the keyhole to get my key in the door. He tells me that if SCSN could manage so can I. He turns the light off from inside the house and puts the backlight of his phone on,

“Look there is enough light to see. She is a pisstaker. You need to take the bulb.”

So there we are directly outside SCSN’s door bickering about whether or not to take the bulb out. Alex keeps trying to lift me up to take the bulb out and I am in fits of laughter, to which he responds by trying to quieten me   by hissing,


I swear she was probably there with her ear pressed to the door listening to the whole sorry charade.

In the end we decide the bulb is going. It’s not the money it’s the principal. (That’s what I tell myself but hey, every penny counts. I got holidays to book!) I link my hands together and create a step for alex to climb on to remove the bulb. That takes another 10 minutes because he insists he is too heavy for me to carry him half a metre of the ground!

The bulb is removed and ever since I have been using my phone backlight to navigate my keyhole. I don’t know what I’m gonna do if my phone ever dies before I get home!

Am I a crazy bitch for not wanting to be the only house with dustbins out in the street?

Am I being mean for not letting SCSN suck any more of my electricity?

What would you have done?

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