The Worst Job Interview Ever

 Death By PowerPoint 300x218 The Worst Job Interview Ever

It was a job interview for International Representative at a private college. I was wary about going because when they invited me to interview the salary was less than advertised, plus it was commission based. Nevertheless when they called to offer me an interview I agreed to go.

Part of the interview was for me to prepare a presentation. I’d been on two other interviews that month that I had really prepared for and not got the jobs, so in my smart way of thinking *CTFU* I thought let me do the presentation on PowerPoint and then try and improvise a little bit when it comes down to it on the day. The day before the interview I had done the presentation on PowerPoint but not really prepared what exactly I was going to say. I kept thinking about it, but didn’t really want to put too much effort into something that seemed a bit dodgy anyway.

The morning of the interview I was in two minds about whether to go or not… I hadn’t really prepared, the college was an unheard of one that did bogus qualifications that no one has ever heard of and the commission thing was a total turn off. After battling with myself I decided that I had nothing to lose. I may as well go for the practice if nothing else. So in the morning I was there making makeshift cue cards. I had printed off the exact route and directions to get there and set off with plenty of time to spare.

I got lost. I ended up being almost an hour late… going round and round in circles… calling them and ending up in the wrong place still… I was at the end of my tether. Finally a taxi got me there. I did consider just going home at that point, but now I had wasted more time, money and energy than I had anticipated.

I finally got in front of the interviewers. It was a man and a woman. It was disastrous from the very start. My CD had problems loading and that took more time, and then the way the overhead projector and laptop were positioned, I couldn’t look at the screen at the same time as clicking through to the next slide. As soon as I clicked onto the first slide I wanted to leave. I hadn’t prepared enough and knew that I wasn’t going to get through a 15 minute presentation. I looked at the door and just thought of bolting through it, but then it would be hard to grab my coat and bag at the same time.

I didn’t know what to do to get out of there. I figure I could say I needed the lavatory and then piss off, but again, how would I explain needing to take my coat… I started speaking and the words were wooden and stilted, like I had splinters in my throat.

Then…I had a brainwave

A plan.

A way to get myself the hell out of there.

I put my hand up to my head and stumbled backwards and fell into a chair that was positioned not too far behind me, I held my head with one hand,

“I’m sorry I just feel faint.” They fussed around me and the lady interviewer rushed to get me water. The man told me to breathe and that I could start again shortly…

WHAT?

I didn’t want to start again!!! I put a crying face on… you know the lip trembling face?

“I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have come” (I sounded like something out of a romance film!) I started sobbing and gasping for air like a dog in a desert. Then I repeated it over and over again.

“I knew I shouldn’t have come…I shouldn’t have come… A close relative died this week.”

After I threw in a family member’s death he was really sympathetic. (I know it was wrong but I was in a tight situation.) At the same time I was thinking they might not believe me, because who says “close family relative” but a liar. Non- liars would specify, but my brain wasn’t thinking that fast. They lady interviewer came back with water and told me to relax and then start again.

WHAT?

No no no!

The man then explained the situation (the death) and said that he thought it better for me to come back another day when I was feeling a bit better. Then the lady started talking about how it was a testament to my courage and willpower that I came to the interview. The whole head I kept my head bowed and just sniffled. This pep talk was getting out of hand.

They told me to call the week after to arrange for another interview date and called a cab for me which I had to wait for in the Reception area. What a malarkey. I had to keep the sad face on and sit with my head bowed whilst the receptionist kept on trying to get information out of me,

“Did they upset you?”

“They’re tough aren’t they?”

“Blah blah blah”

The cab finally came about 15 minutes later and I was out of there. What a bloody ordeal.

The moral of this story is: ALWAYS PREPARE FOR INTERVIEWS.

Comments

  1. Hilarious! Weird, but hilarious!

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