Welcome to Jamrock

Woman reading 300x207 Welcome to Jamrock

Jamaica, Jamaica… Welcome to Jamrock… Virgin Flight 69. There I was fresh from the upgrade success in Brazil and ready to blag my way into business or first class. I tried my luck at Gatwick Airport, to no avail. I was told,

“We don’t give free upgrades.”

So I took my place in economy and handled the blow like my name was Evander.

In the row opposite to mine were two men and a baby. One was an older man with locks and the younger was sporting a low fade. I assmued the baby was the daughter of the younger one since he was assmuing primary care giver duties.

After the baby girl was stuffed with choc ice and some stale looking chocolate cookie she threw up violently all over the floor. The Low fade guy cleaned her up. during this they kept peeking looks over to where I was sitting. It seemed like Low fade was directing Locksman as to what to say to me. I was right, the booming voice of Locksman was directed at me,

“Eks-cayoos-me.”

I turned my head,

“You know Lisa?”

“No sorry.”

“You know Lisa. She de from Waterhouse down by… *inaudible*”

“No sorry.”

“You av a sister?”

“No.”

Locksman now turns to Low fade and asks him,

“What dat pleeyace de she from?”

*More inaudible stuff between them*

Locksman then says something to me that I don’t understand,

“Pardon?”

“She me brudda cuzinn gurlfren’”

“Oh right.” I mean what in the hell do you say to that?

“Me coulda swore say you an her a sister.”

“ooooh nooo, I don’t have a sister.

The conversation ended there and I got back to the book I was reading.
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Towards landing I was reading a book, having gone through all my magazines and crosswords when I could feel the eyes on Low fade and Locksman upon me again. It was a few minutes before I realised that the conversation that they were having was about me.

“She a read read, non stop.”

“All de way from London. Nine hour readin.”

“Yeah man she a good reader… Must be a teacher”

I pretended to not hear and continued reading. Not lkong afterwards I heard furious scrubbing and turned towards them to see what the sound was. I saw the Locksman brushing his teeth. I thought that that was a bit weird to not go to the bathroom, but each ot their own right?

What I saw next made me feel sick. It looked like Locksman has used toothpaste on the toothbrush and so needed to spit the mixture from his mouth. Instead of going to the bathroom to do this he proceeded to spit out the salava-toothpaste mixture all over the aeroplane carpet. He was hacking and swishing and spitting all on top of where the baby had vomited. It was sooo gross. some people have noooooo shame!!!

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