What Are Your Limits When You Are Married?

Bored Bride 300x300 What Are Your Limits When You Are Married?August 11th 2006

While I was in Gambia in June with Deborah, we met some Americans at the hotel opposite. One of them was a Matthew. He was one fine hunk of man who was also married. Finding out he was married was such a disappointment but oh well life goes on!

One day Deborah and I were at the hotel bar and restaurant with Richard (the guy who was on our plane and staying at the same hotel). We were eating and drinking. At one point Richard got up and went somewhere for about 5-10 minutes. When he came walking back to the table he was with Matthew. We were wondering how he and Richard knew each other. . . Well it turns out that they didn’t know each other. Richard had been near the front entrance fraternising with the security guards as Matthew had walked into the hotel. By sheer fact of them both being foreigners they had got talking and Richard had brought him back to our table.

Immediately it was Deborah’s thinking that he had come to look for us, as he knew we were staying there, why else would he come there if it wasn’t for us? He, however had claimed that he had come to the hotel looking for food, as the food at his own hotel was only served at set times. I took him at his word. If he said he was looking for food then as far as I was concerned then he was looking for food. Deborah says that I am naive for believing this and that the only food he was looking for was nyash.

She believed that the events that followed only support her claim. Matthew wanted to see the hotel beach as we had told him about the fake beach when we were over at his hotel and he wanted to see it for himself. We all agreed that fake beaches (on a platform no less) are wack and then we took the stairs by the side of the hotel that lead to some water and rocks. That would be here:

As we were climbing over the rocks into the water Deborah was kind of unsteady and he put his hand out to her to help her balance. To Deborah this was a sure fire sign that he was after her body hehehe!

I tried to make the point to Deborah is that just because he helped her on the rocks doesn’t mean he was after her. To me that is just a gentlemanly thing to do. In Deborah’s eyes a married man shouldn’t be holding any other woman’s hand for any reason, and that because he offered to help her on the rocks he was in the wrong, as opposed to her asking him for help.

She then said that he should have not been in our hotel hanging with us at all since he has a wife. She said that if he wanted food he should have been looking for food with his wife, and that if his wife knew where he was she probably wouldn’t like it. Now I don’t believe in any “Richard” type nonsense where you desert your girlfriend like she is the plague, but just because you are married does that mean you need to be joined at the hip?

Deborah also suggested that the food line he spun us was a load of crap, highlighted by the fact that he actually didn’t buy any food, deeming the hotel food overpriced. Since he had been in Gambia a whole month before us Deborah thought that he should have already checked out all the nearby eateries and therefore probably knew that our hotel food was overpriced, but came hanging around anyway.

I then attempted to question Deborah’s reasoning by asking her that if he was after anyone of us why he hadn’t even flirted or tried it on. She claimed that the intent was there but he must bottled out at the last minute.

What do you think?

What are the limits when you are married?

I personally think that even if he had come looking for us that wasn’t “wrong.” We had gone over to the hotel that he was at plenty of times. Perhaps he was just bored? Is there anything wrong with that?


Do you take Deborah’s stance that a married man should keep his ass with his wife and not be out holding other women’s hands?


This is Deborah’s response after reading the blog:

Here is my perception of what happened that day and why I came to conclusion that I did over the man’s actions.

Looking back now I think he was more interested in that fact that we were from England as he asked to see some English money after we had left the beach. But then I think he was just trying to verify if we were really from England and so wanted to see proof. Also If you remember when he came out to talk to us when were at their hotel, we were chatting for a quite a long time and he did not mention his wife and it was only when XXXX came out after that he introduced her as his wife.

FYI I don’t expect any couple to be glued at the hip and my stance was not based on the fact that they should be glued to the hip 24/7….But

I still think it is highly suspicious for someone who had been there for a whole month plus and who was used to paying 15 Dalasis for a meal to all of sudden decide to check out a hotel that has basically been in front of his nose the whole time and which charges at least 150 Dalasis (Big Gambian money!)for a plate of spaghetti after he had met two ladies who  said they stayed there..

As for the beach..we had previously seen it before and I had expressed no desire whatsoever to go down to the rocks..I hate rocky beaches!! Well he insisted on seeing the beach and we went with him ..or rather he said ‘come on’ We were then standing on the platform and he started talking about going down to the rocks. I made it clear that I was not interested in going down there so the claim that I was about to ‘drop on the rocks’ is not entirely true.  I didn’t want to go down and he persisted and then he said  ‘give me your hand’

Now I don’t know about any of you guys but if I were a fly on the wall and I saw my husband frolicking on the beach with two women he had left me to take time to speak to before he introduced me I would be be pissed too.

In short

Earlier he had left his wife in the dining room or whatever to come out and say hi and have a very long conversation with two unknown woman..it is only when she comes out that he introduces her..we all talk for a while and make our way back to the hotel less than 2 hours later this dude decides to wander into out hotel claiming he is looking for food, then says he wants to go to the beach and he insists on going to the beach…

Anyway Isn’t that the same line Makumba or whatever his name is used? He basically lived in that area for all of 10 years and as soon as we left the group he started following claiming that he was checking the place out or was he on the look out for some friend’s?? Did we ever see any friends?? In fact I rem you believing him too until he started acting leechy..you stay there with your gullible self…lol

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