You Cannot Wear Pink Panties With a Chiffon Cream Dress

 

It has been a while since I wrote about what has been going on here, so here is a quick summary for you.

Sasha came from Rio and stayed for a week. He was the guy that I met here last year through the Rogue Trader. I hooked him up with an apartment from Dona Maria Jose, the lady I got mine from.

In Dona Maria Jose news. I found out that the oven in my apartment had a gas leak (or so it seemed as everytime I put the oven on the partment would fill with the smell of gas.) She sent a technician round and he couldn’t fix it. One day I bumped into her in the bank the day after the technician was supposed to make the second visit. I told her that he didn’t come. I was then told that they were waiting for parts to come through from Sao Paulo. I told her that I had bought food and that I needed an oven. She then offered to buy me a microwave, an offer which I accepted. An hour later she calls and tell me that she isn’t going to get an microwave anymore, she is going to get a new oven instead, so a couple of hours later I have a new oven in tow and it turns out that she knew that old banger of an oven had problems the whole time!

BG of “I ain’t no Fonsworth Bentley up in this Byatch Fame” didn’t come through. I received an email from him on the 21st saying that he couldn’t wait to come and yadda yadda yadda, and then NOTHING! After not receiving anything from him on the 26th I just KNEW he wasn’t coming. Sasha and Mariana were remaining hopeful, but it was just obvious to me. I managed to talk to him on the morning of the 27th, the day he was meant to be coming out here and he said that he just “wasn’t feeling it.” He insists that his girlfriend was not behind the decision, but we ll believe differently. I don’t believe you would spend over £800 on a trip and then just decide not to come because you were not feeling like it on the day.

I got another cold… in fact I am still congested and phleghmy. I can’t seem to shake this one off!

M and I went to an exhibition and the modern art museum. There was a guy that looked like a pimp (pimp hat and oversized clothing) that appeared to be taking pictures of us and appearing wherever we were. I thought he was American because I heard him say “WHAZZUP GIIIRRL” In the end he came over and it turns out he was Brazilian… and spoke hardly any English either, but he knew how to say WHAZZUP GIIIIRRL? super weird!

I had two bikini waxes and the broccolis are back. I AINT DOING IT AGAIN! I have ingrown hairs to last me a lifetime, and whoever said that a wax lasts 4-6 weeks? HAHAHAHA! On the last visit to the wax place the lady used this seaweed stuff with her index finger because she said it helps with the ingrown hairs… YEAH RIGHT… I don’t think anything can help me because I was born with a loofah strapped to my back and that hasn’t helped either! There is no such thing as privacy here in Brazil. With your fanny out a door they will be letting all and sundry into the private room.

On Christmas Eve M, Sasha and I left the house about 1am to look for somewhere to go. They had been waiting downstairs for me and when I got there this drunk guy was sauntering past. They were laughing as apparently the guy had walked past a few times. He was going in and out of the gas station stocking up on beers and then stopped to look at the sea before crossing the road and bumping into a lamppost one of the times. As we headed towards the lighthouse the guy pops up again. Sasha looks confused. He says to us,

“I bet this guy is Spanish”

As the guy approached he holds him up,

“Where you from mate?”

Turns out the guy was Irish and his name was Eamon. He had been in Salvador a few days and had been hanging alone, hence the reason for all the beers. He was stocking up to just sit in his room and drink! He ended up joining us and we went to the Borrachoria in Rio Vermelho. It is a garage that fixes cars by day and at night there is a bar in the back that opens up.

Christmas Day was spent at Mariana’s aunt’s house gorging on gorgeous food. There was a good spread. The night was spent on ho’s corner and then Pelourinho where we met Sasha and Eamon again.

Boxing Day (Why is it called that anyway?) was crazy. Tara and Eamon had a flirtation going on so when we went to Dubliners the Irish Bar in Barra and he started flirting with one of the bargirls she freaked out, demanding that we leave the place. My drink was still fill to the rim so that was not going to happen. After calming her down we decided to stay, and what a night it was. Danilo and his American friends came by, and then some of M’s friends came through. Everyone was introduced and the guys were playing pool with Eamon, who had previously been playing with a bar girl, however when the American Crew came by the bargirls attention was diverted and Eamon was pissed. It was hilarious. M had come through with some gin and some Natasha vodka, so everyone was buying soft drinks and topping up with the store bought alcohol.

Natasha Vodka Brazil 200x300 You Cannot Wear Pink Panties With a Chiffon Cream Dress

After a few hours everyone was pretty much pissed, as in drunk. Somehow Eamon was left with a bill for 150 RS. He had been left to foot the bill for everyone playing pool and there were drinks on the bill that did not belong to him. The bargirl who he probably thought could take home was not paying attention to him and in his words that night, was “treating me like a cunt.” So this is what happened, she pushed the bill towards him and he said at the time that he just saw red and told her,

“PAY IT YA FOOOOOOOKIN` SELF!”

He then tried to run out of the bar… QUALITY!

In the end it was the rogue trader that had to perform an intervention. The matter was settled and Eamon paid 100RS, although he was still pissed all the way home. He said the next day that he couldn’t believe that he had been such an idiot, as the girl had only ben doing her job and so he went back to the bar and apologised the the girl. She took it in good spirits. I`m sure she has seen plenty of drunkards in her time.

New Years Eve was a blast, although we almost didn’t make it out there. I had two dresses lined up but both looked shit on the day, plus both were seethroughish and my only clean knickers were these big bright pink huge panties. The day before I left for Brazil I went to buy underwear from peacocks and the only minibrief packets that they had were these neon pinky colours. Needless to say you cant wear big pink knickers under a floaty chiffony dress, so that was a big mess. Mariana then says she doesn’t like her outfit so we sit on the balcony looking at the hustle bustle down below. She turns and says to me,

“You know if I just go to sleep now, I won’t be upset.”

I reply,

“Neither would I.”

In the end I find some black knickers and her friend Lucas and his cousin Mozais come through so we are strong armed out of the apartment. I’ll continue with the New Year’s Eve story another time.

Comments

  1. MissRaeB says:

    LMAO @ 'the broccolis are back'! I woulda thought the experience would've been the ish over there…
    And the Peacocks situation? Why is is virtually impossible to buy a decent pack of plain black drawers?

  2. So happy to see u here… Next trip I buying my knickers waaaaaaaaaaay in advance!

  3. Dear god I am reading this and remembering the events. Im not paying the fooooooooking bill!!! Woman, I am not supposed to laugh out loud whilst at the office!

  4. Heyaaaa! I am back blogging… I just copied all the old myspace blogs!

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